Kickas.org Forums Ankylosing Spondylitis General Discussion #1 AS Web Support Group i'm losing my fight!

Hi Martin,

I just wanted to let you know that I sent a PM to you.

Paula

Dear Martin,
Dont give up to it! You are a very loved member of the KA family. Please go and see a Dr and print this post out and give it to him/her. Knowing you, I know that you are a great dad and husband. You must be very loved. Please take it easy and believe that there are better days ahead. You have to hope. I think that you have been a great help to people here at KA, me including. Go see a Dr and talk to your wife, she would want to know how you are feeling, best wishes Martin,
Take Care,
Debra

Hi Martin, Sorry to hear about how you are feeling. Hang in there. Maybe now that you got this out in the open, you can find a way to talk about it with your loved ones. It takes just as much courage to say what you said, as it does to fight this dredded disease. You can turn this around, I know you can. You sound like you have been dealing with it for a long time, and the stress is starting to overwhelm you. I know what you are going through, and many others do too,
Think positive, be strong, and find a new approach at kickin AS. And don't be afraid to talk about these problems, we are all here when you need us. I hope you can find a cheaper alternative for you meds too. - James

Martin,
Huge ((Hugs)) to you! I am so sorry you are feeling so down right now. As the others have said, chronic pain and depression often go hand in hand.

Please stick around! We are all your friends and we love you. We are also here to support you in your time of need. I know sometimes it can help to get it all out once in awhile. I often feel like I cant say anything to anyone in my real life either. It just seems like noone understands, or cares to. I am so thankful that I found this place for support.

Hang in there!

Jamie

Hi, Martin:

It takes remaining engaged, even if--for a little time--you feel like you are just going through the motions. Hang in there. You bring a special energy to kickas that is vital and needed--whether you believe it or not; you can and do help others even only sometimes as a colleague by reason of AS and only as a fellow sufferer can.

Now there is the Opportunity; "The AS overcomer's hardest and most circuitous road possible to enlightenment:"

AS is teaching, and we can listen to that still, small voice within. Hear it and heed what it has to say and that very first part is that your eyes cannot begin to see clearly until incapable of shedding a single tear for your own self.

Until we accept (learn) or conquer this obstacle where we are right now, we cannot progress. Sometimes the Dragon has us stuck in the same place for what seems like geologic epochs. Perhaps just getting as far as we have will encourage others, by example. What of the struggle? Worth every moment!

We are here for You, also,
John

"On two occasions, I have been asked [by members of Parliament], 'Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?"
Charles Babbage

HI Martin, Sorry to hear you are suffering and so down, I know how frustrated you
must be. You must not shut yourself out from us. You are always there encouraging
everyone here. I never realized anyone could be in as much pain as you AS Suffer's
have, I have watched my son going through the terrible flares and he worked as long
as he could until one morning he could not get out of bed, he was age 39 at that time.
I had to get help getting him in the car to get him to his Rheumy that was when he
learned both hips had to be replaced, he is now 42 and both hips have been replaced,
and at least he doesn't have the pain there, but his neck and back is fused, he is bent
over and until I got him into the support group here in Phoenix, he would not go outside
he was ashamed of his appearance. My heart ached for him as it does for you now.
He can only walk to the end of the block and back, just too painful for him. He does as
much exercise as he can bear. I didn't mean to ramble on about my Mike but he is
so young to be disabled, and he IS DISABLED that was a very hard thing for him to do
not be able to work at such a young age. We were fortunate he had a good Rheumy and
he helped him get his Social Security and his Xrays were so bad, the S.S. doctor called
his Rheumy and discussed them with him and he received his S.S. within 45 days.
And we expected to have to appeal and fight for a long time, I am so sorry you are
feeling so bad, there must be some program where you could get the drugs the doctor
wants you to take. You need them, and that is so sad when you can't get them. I wish
there was something I could do for you. I will keep you in my prayers and hope for
brighter days for you real soon.

Remember you need to talk, don't hold things back, and not getting a good nights
sleep you can get depressed real quick, your mind and body needs the rest.

Don't stop your posts, we need you here and you need to let us know how you are
doing.


God Bless! Maxine

"Mike's Mom"

Martin,
I don't think we have met yet, but I wanted to tell you to hang in there. I think every one of us at KickAS has been to the point where we feel like we can't fight any more. And this is the time to NOT stop posting. Your posts don't have to always be cheery and upbeat. If that were true, I wouldn't have been able to post in the womens forum lately about how I am doing. Sometimes even the saddest posts from a person can be helpful to another. By this post, you may (and probably did) just let someone else here know it is ok to break down occasionally. That it is ok to feel bad sometimes. That "Hey! Even if cheery Martin can have a hard time, then I'm normal when I just break down and cry and feel awful"
Martin,
I am at the lowest possible point in my life I could possibly imagine right now. And if it weren't for the love and support I have been able to get from other ASkickers here, I honestly don't know if I could have made it this far. Please dont' stop posting. Even if you have to post through your tears. Post. Don't feel like you have to show everyone, including us, only the cheerful upbeat side of Martin. We care about all sides of you.

I also think Debra had a wonderful idea. Print this thread out and show it to someone. I know for myself, things are alot easier for me to write about than talk about. I can remember when it was through notes was the only way I could communicate my feelings to my mom. That got me through some pretty hard times. I know if I had had to speak those thoughts they never would have been able to come out. So print your post out, show it to your wife, a friend, a doctor, clergyman. Any one of them or all of them. Let someone take care of you for a change Martin. I can guarantee you, that they are not going to think less of you for asking for help, but that they will be glad to give you back some of the support you are always giving others.

Take care and keep letting everyone know how you are doing. Even if you have to just post "Having a chitty day, talk later" atleast you allow us to offer you some of the same support you offer others.

((((Hugs))))
Pam

My boys, Noah & Isaiah

Hi Martin,

Sorry to hear that you are feeling down and helpless. A few months ago when I was in a terrible flare and couldn't go to work, I felt very depressed too. There were times when I woke up, lay in bed and cried because it was so painful to get out of bed. I worried about losing my job. I thought of all the things I could do before AS. I thought of how my family (my mum esp) had to worry about my condition and spent time to accompany me to the docs. I told myself that I can't give up - for the sake of myself and my family. I found great support from this website and I hope you will continue to KICK AS and although you may not wish to post, keep coming and pls know that we are thinking of you.

I find that doing stretches and yoga help me greatly and although it was very painful when I first started, the pain got lesser and I'm now more flexible. I feel good about myself after the stretches too. You might like to check out some of the yoga websites for some of the easy poses that you can do.

Take a little step at a time. We'll be here to support you



Aerial


Smile, and the world smiles with you!

Martin: God, I hope you feel better soon. A similar situation happened to me a few weeks ago. It made me feel so much better to vent to someome. Venting on the computer is good too, but sometimes it helps to vent to someone in person. If you can't afford counseling, there are certain agencies that provide counseling for free for those who can't afford it. I would highly recommend it. It seems as if you have depression and it will get better once you start feeling better.

God has a reason for you having to go through this right now and you will figure that out someday.

I hope you get better soon- Shari

Dear Martin,
Big giant very gentle hugs coming your way. You know we've all been there..and feel now that we are going down this road with you..in support..help..love..whatever it takes.
Best,
Klem