Hi Pixel and welcome (I'm new here, too),

Years before I was finally diagnosed with AS some of my family and friends used to make fun of me and call me the "napper" because whenever I had free time that was all I could do-sleep. I can remember them accusing me of wasting my time, not getting enough exercise, being unmotivated and, yes, being a lazy bum. Now that I look back, I was suffering from all these weird aches--backaches, hipaches, headaches and neckaches-- never putting the aches and fatigue together. The biggest problem with this was that I internalized what they said and about me and for years thought of myself as a worthless, lazy sloth (I could never understand where people got their "drive" to succeed. If I made it to Wednesday still functioning I felt lucky).

I was finally diagnosed in '03 and, to make a long story even longer, it has taken quite some time for that diagnosis to seep in deep enough that I can now clearly see myself as who I really am. I was doing the work of people with "normal" immune systems-doing their jobs-doing their hours-doing their lives-living up to their standards all these years while being sick. Not long ago it finally dawned on me that I'm a hell of a lot stronger in body and character than the majority of the population because I was able to continue-I don't think many of my family members and friends would have been able to do what I did in the same condition. Being diagnosed with AS, as devestating as that was,eventually allowed me to see things clearer and allowed me to give myself a break--no--A LOT of breaks when I felt poorly-and allowed me to do it guilt-free (I love my naps now-I love being able to say proudly "I'm gonna lie down for a bit!" ).

Pixel, the first thing you need to do is stop feeling guilty for not being as "fast and motivated" as a healthy husband/father/human being!!! You have a compromised immune system that is causing you pain and a lot of other things that reduces one's stamina. The second thing you need to do, if you haven't already, is sit your family down and educate them on what it means to have AS. They need to understand that you are a sick man and at times you must be treated that way-it's not your choice to be this way-it's just the way it is. And, if this doesn't work, the next time one of them comes down with a bad cold or the flu tell them you want them to mow the lawn or vacuum the house-and when they refuse, simply smile and acuse them of being "lazy" .

***I have to say I've been extremely blessed with a compasionate wife and understanding friends--it took a little while for them to understand that what was happening to me wasn't about my character but my health. I'm a much much much happier man these days .

***All the best to you!