Kickas.org Forums Ankylosing Spondylitis General Discussion #1 AS Web Support Group a question

It was sarcasm on the epidural...I wasn't worried about anything other than it not working. He was scared I'd end up paralyzed. Ultimately, it seems much safer than fusion surgery. But he thinks of this as totally outrageously dangerous. He's going to have to go with me to next pain mgmt appt. Maybe the rheumy one, too. Perhaps the mystery is too much for him....even though I've given him links on the internet (good ones, like SAA, Emedicine, webmd) on treatment, expectations of future with this disease. In one ear and out the other. Fortunately, issues like today are rare.

Thanks for the response. I'd like to find this magic bullet.

Maybe several of our husbands are brothers separated at birth.....LOL.

That is a lot to bear for both of you. I feel relieved to have only one autoimmune issue currently. Hugs to you on this. Why does it have to be so hard??

Guys are weenies. <except the ones here on KA>

Thanks for your post. I'm not feeling so alone with this issue.

I'm sorry you had a tif with your hubby. It's a sinking feeling when you realize that your partner isn't 100% on your side. His reaction could very well be just that he's afraid for you. But this is so not a psychological issue - there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to try something that could potentially be better for you for treating pain. I'm not sure if increasing doses of painkillers is the best way to go either - just coming from personal experience. That's what I'm doing now, and it doesn't work so well all the time. You just get to a point of desperation where you want to find something that can improve on what you're already doing.
I'm with you, Rumble. Just do whatever works, and try to involve hubby in your decisions. Like I should be giving relationship advice, when I'm the mess like I am! lol
I just hope things get better, and know that we folks here "get it".
hugs and more hugs

PS I'm sorry your hubby is having health issues too, that's a double whammy to a relationship there. I hope he opts for investigation so he can treat whatever is going on.

i think we become very brave when we are in a lot of pain; we'll do almost anything to get relief from it. but our loved ones, i think they get more scared than we do, they don't have the pain to push them into trying new things, so instead they just worry about us.

i know i worry about my husband more than myself a lot of times, and visa versa i think.

his being afraid for you just shows how much he loves you? though sometimes it doesn't come across that way.

I keep wondering if he remembers how bad I had it at the end of March after 3 months off mtx, having endured week after week of sinus infections. I had taken so many painkillers and they didn't work. I limped everywhere and tossed and turned all night long. It was asking for more painkillers that got me kicked to pain management. He just doesn't understand that continuing to medicate AS with painkillers doesn't help. "It's the inflammation, stupid!" Sheeesh. A steroid taper put me back in the pink till the mtx could get up to speed. He saw the difference between painkillers and steroids, but makes comments like today that just [*bleep*] me off.

Now that the mtx is working again, the limp is gone and most of the tossing and turning nightly is gone.

Keeping a stiff upper lip, stoic demeanor, it doesn't help us. Our spouses don't get a clue as to what is happening to us. Our doctors don't know we are still in pain.

I don't remember who mentioned it a few weeks ago, but they said they finally got over the compliant patient style they had used in dr offices and began to complain about the problems they had. It's the only way to go. Guys/Docs need educating about what we are going through.

Donette...hope you doing better now. Hugs on dealing with hubby. Thanks for your response.

If you find it, will you share it with me?!

Hugs,

Rumble,
So sorry you are dealing with hubby too, but you are right. Guys want to fix. They spend seconds in the emotional area then go straight to fix it. It is how they are wired. We are lucky that the guys here really get it because, unfortunately, they live it.
I think you are referring to Cindys post "subject for discussion" It was a very good post and one that I wanted to find time to add my two cents worth to. But life has been busy crazy. I have thought a lot about the posts on that thread. (I think I should make time to add to that now.)
I had two epidural shots at L5 on Monday. Hurt like hell! I wasn't in the least bit worried about being paralysed. I just want to be out of pain. It has been two years now. Turns out my original chiro did not diagnose a compression at L4-5. He was the first doc in what is now a long line of docs. You know the drill. I hope that you will be able to encourage your hubby to come to any appointments where he is worried and concerned for you.
Feel better.

Rumble / Sharon,
i can't read all the posts / but ask you man to look into your eyes and tell him what you need, and what you want. WQe tend to "fix" things as we walk around the yard, garage, or even in the living room. I listen best, when she is aobut 18 inches form my face, and calls my name and says, will you do this for me?
I am sorry that we are >>>>>>>>>>>>>>
But many men are worth the extra effort... But it is often worth it to surprise us with a behavior tha tis new..

Still learning how to love and care..
Lon

Lon,
You are so right. I know I have a great husband, he is worth it. I just wanted to point out how differently we are wired.
I just finished The Male Brain by Dr. Louann Brizendine. Now I am onto the Female Brain. So interesting, it is amazing our species is even surviving!

I recently read a very good book explaining the difference between men and womens thinking: Allan & Barbara Pease, Why Men Don't Listen & Women Can't Read Maps (you can get it on Amazon). Totally explained the difference in emotions, and that men are programmed as the providers and fixers, and women are programmed as the nurtures (goes back to our time as cave dwellers). Made so much sense, and gave me a great insight in how to deal with men!

Give a man a problem to solve, and he is happy. If he can't solve the problem, he feels he has let his family down. We all realise that most women don't want a solution to the problem, we just want reassurance, but men don't get this!

I really recommend you (and possibly hubby!) reading this book. It has helped me in my new relationship, and I hope it can help you too Hubby is getting frustrated that you are sick and he can't do anything. Maybe suggesting ways he can help you (maybe if only around the house) will help him feel he is doing something.

I really hope you can sort this out

Love Emma.