Oak you are in a very bad place right now, but be assurred you won't always be there. Try to think positive, what I usually say to myself when I'm hurting real bad when none of the meds are working is this. Today is bad , but tomorrow may be better. One day at a time just like AA. You have a supportive family and that is great. I don't know if I would still be here if it wasn't for my wife who has been on this rocky road of AS for over 30 yrs with me. There is a light at the end of the tunnel Oak, never take your eyes off of it. Remember just about every person here with AS can say Been there, done that, and will be there again. Take care Oak and keep fighting the good fight.
Rick